Go, go, go. Do, do more, you're still not doing enough. Get it all done, and do it seamlessly. Be organized in every aspect of your life. Discipline your child to be the most well-mannered and well behaved kid on the block. Your two year old is whining and not listening to you in public? You poor dear. It's a shame that means he won't succeed later on in life. Get all the laundry done and put away. Heaven forbid there's a few loads that sit in the basket for a while. Keep the kitchen immaculate at all times, even when you're cooking. Dirty dishes sitting in the sink? (Gasp.) The shame. Always say yes when you're asked to do something, even if you do have to create an extra hour in the day to get it done. I mean, if you say no, then what would people think? Don't take time to do anything fun for yourself. You really should be doing something productive instead. Always. Decide to take a break anyway? Well, then you should at least feel guilty about it. The house? Well, it must always, always be clean. After all, you never know when someone might drop by. You don't want them thinking you do nothing all day when they see the dust and dog hair, do you? Be everywhere at once. Be everything to everyone. C'mon, that's easy. I mean, you are superwoman, right?
Okay moms, have you ever felt this way? Maybe you're not even a mom at all, but you feel these pressures to be all things to all people at all times--and to be perfect at all of it. For me, struggling with this is nothing new that started with the birth of my son. Sheesh. What is it with us women? Why do we think this way? Why do we set ourselves up for failure like this? The immense pressures and expectations of being perfect women and the impossible to-do lists that we hold over our heads daily are eating away at us. If we can't live up to these expectations and get it all done, then does that mean that we are failures? If I'm not a shiny little, squeaky clean, always-smiling, never-stopping, go-til-I-drop super woman, then there must be something wrong with me. Tell me, people, is this the truth? Nope. It's a big fat lie, and it's not from God.
I had a particularly hard week last week fighting against these feelings. As a mom I was feeling (and am still struggling not to feel) like I was a big fat failure. It was one of those weeks where my two year old son acted like the epitome of what you think of when you think of a two year old. If there was ever any question about why they call it "the terrible two's", then all one would have had to do was to come to my house this past week and see it in action. I love my son more than I could even express here in words. But, some days, it is hard being a mom! We dealt with everything that week--whining (oh, the whining), being aggressive towards other children, not sharing, not accepting no, throwing fits, an embarrassing grocery store incident (moms--you know what I'm talking about), and being disrespectful. No matter what I did, nothing worked. I was doubting my abilities and gifts as a mother. I thought that it surely had something to do with what I was not doing. Maybe if I just did this or that, then everything would be better.
Then God gave me a little grace. God gave me exactly what I needed--my friend Marty. An experienced Mom with two children in college, her first-born son and my son are like carbon copies of one another. When she tells stories about her son when he was preschool-aged, it's like I'm listening to myself talk about my life. I know she knows what it's like to raise a strong-willed but incredibly loving and amazing little boy. She has come out of it on the other side, and her child who kept her constantly on her toes testing, testing, and testing some more is now a very responsible, caring, respectful, strong, level-headed, smart young man who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. She had the perspective that I needed. Sometimes God places people in my life at just the right moments. Do you know what I mean? What started out as just a quick conversation in the hallway of our church ended up to be a holy moment. God was using her, and she probably didn't even know how much. The thing that struck me the most was when she said, "Jenni, you're being too hard on yourself." This statement brought tears to my eyes. It was just what I needed to hear. It felt freeing --like God was giving me permission to just relax and stop beating myself up so much. Just stop. Take a breath. Calm down.
Through all this, my mind keeps coming back to another very busy woman I know named Martha. She is a woman of good intentions. She is known for being hospitable, productive, a loving sister, loyal to her friends, a woman of unwavering faith, a planner, and a do-er. She seems like she has it all together. Okay, I have to admit that I don't exactly know Martha personally, but I feel like I do. She actually lived a very long time ago, way before my time--a little over 2000 years ago to be exact. A couple of important guys named Luke and John wrote about her in a book called The Bible.
Let's be honest, Martha has gotten a bad wrap from the Church for the past 2000 plus years. We lump her in there with Thomas, poor guy. We have forgotten all her good qualities. Or maybe we just overlook them completely. How can we forget, after all, that she was one of Jesus' closest and most loyal friends. When her beloved brother Lazarus died, Jesus came to visit and comfort her and her sister (John 11:17-20). She told Jesus that she knew he could have healed her brother when he was sick if he had only arrived sooner. She pushed her faith even further when she told him that he could still heal Lazarus and raise him from the dead if he wanted to (John 11:21-22). Now that is some astounding faith! When Jesus responded by asking her if she believed that he was the "resurrection and the life", she did not doubt and agreed whole heartedly that he was the Christ (John 11:23-37). Jesus ended up granting her request, and afterwards, she hosted a dinner, in which Jesus was the guest of honor. What a wonderful way to show her gratitude. But even before all this happened, she had a good relationship with Jesus. Before Lazarus fell ill, when he and his disciples were passing through Bethany, Luke says that "a woman named Martha opened her home to him" (Luke 10:38). I don't know about you, but opening up my home to thirteen dirty, traveling strangers would not be high up on my list of things to do, but it was for Martha. She had a true, loving servant's heart.
But, I must mention that there were qualities in Martha which got her in trouble. She, like so many of us women, had a very hard time slowing down. The way she saw it, there was always something to do to prepare for something else. She had to have the cleanest house and the best cooked meal. She had to be the hostess with the mostess, and she was just plain too hard on herself. When she opened her home to Jesus and his disciples when they passed through her home town, she missed out on the special moments with Jesus. While her sister Mary "sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said", "Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made" (Luke 10:39-40a). In fact, Martha even gets frustrated that Mary isn't helping with the hostessing duties and tells Jesus to get her to start doing more (Luke 10:40b). But, Jesus' response is golden...
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
He very well could have been saying, "Jenni, Jenni...you are worried and upset about many things..." Or he could have been talking to any one of us women who are constantly doing and going...
What is that "one thing" that is needed that he talks about? What was it that Mary chose that was better? Jesus was Jewish, and he grew up learning and devoting himself to the Jewish scriptures. He was referring to Psalm 27. In verse 4 it says,
One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life.
Even after hearing this, Martha still struggled. Just before Passover, Jesus came to Bethany again, and Martha planned a dinner in honor of him. During the dinner she is described as the one who "served". Her brother Lazarus and her sister Mary, on the other hand, chose to spend their time with Jesus that night. Mary even anointed Jesus' feet and wiped them with her hair in the famous story that parallels him being prepared for his burial (John 12:1-3). Martha missed out!
I truly believe that all of Martha's going and doing came from an absolute place of love and good intentions. But, the message got lost in translation. All Jesus wanted was for her to stop what she was doing and just sit and be with him. That's all. But, her anxiety got the best of her, and it's getting the best of me as well. Martha, I think we're cut out of the same cloth.
What about the Proverbs 31 woman? Was she a Martha or a Mary? Well, I think she probably had the best qualities of both. She was like Martha in that she provided a wonderful home for her family. She took care of her family and friends and showed her love to them by her steadfast actions. But instead of being too busy to soak in her Lord's presence, I think the Proverbs 31 woman was like Mary. I picture her as a woman who had an incredible peace about her as she went along in her daily activities--a peace that only comes from spending time in prayer, devotion, and worship to her God. Yes, Martha opened her home and heart to Jesus, but Mary let him fill her heart as well.
There is much to learn from Martha concerning having a servant's heart. But when does having a servant's heart turn into being a slave to getting things done and trying to solve problems by doing more? Maybe I should be a little more like Martha's sister, Mary. Sit at the feet of Christ. Talk with God. Just be still and listen. Open that Bible on my nightstand that has been neglected lately because of all the time spent trying to be super wife and mom. What's more important? Nurturing my faith in Christ and spending time with my family or folding the clean laundry piled up on the guest bed, dealing with the stack of dishes in the sink, and plucking dog hair off my couch? That should be a no brainer.
Showing posts with label Proverbs 31. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Proverbs 31. Show all posts
April 16, 2011
April 7, 2011
The Giving Envelope and the Savings Jar
As the name of this blog suggests, I've been on a journey to become more like the Proverbs 31 woman. She was wise with her family's finances.
"She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard."--Proverbs 31:16 (NIV)
"She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night."--Proverbs 31:18 (NIV)
"She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy."--Proverbs 31:20 (NIV)
"She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes."--Proverbs 31:24 (NIV)
Learning to manage our family's finances wisely like the woman of noble character in Proverbs 31 is just one aspect that I have been working on lately. As I blogged about in an earlier post called He Says, "Money". She Hears, "Glsnmickloqgtaypvx", I am trying to learn more about managing finances wisely through a course called Financial Peace University.
In Financial Peace University my husband and I have been learning that it is important to teach our son about spending money wisely while staying within a budget, the importance of saving money, and above all else, the value of giving money away. John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, was wise when he said to earn all you can, save all you can, and give all you can. We don't want our son to make the same mistakes we have made. Not only that, but we want him to learn at an early age that money is tied to working, and work ethic is important. We want him to learn how to exercise self-discipline and save. And most importantly, we want to teach him about the sacrifice of giving his first earnings to God and the church with a grateful and happy heart.
Dave Ramsey, the founder of Financial Peace University, suggests that parents pick a few chores that could be considered "work" for their children starting at around age three--work that could have a monetary value assigned to it. He suggests not calling it an "allowance". Rather, he suggests calling it a "commission". Someone who works on commission doesn't get paid if he or she doesn't do the work. If our son doesn't do his work, then he does not earn his money. It's as simple as that. So, we've taken this idea and tweaked it a bit to fit our 2 1/2 year old and our little family.
There are some chores that our son is expected to do simply because he is a member of the family. Such chores include feeding our dog Sadie daily, putting his dirty clothes in his hamper at the end of the day, putting his shoes away in his shoe drawer daily, loading his clothes into the washing machine and transferring his clothes from the washer to the dryer when we do his laundry together, helping prepare his meals (taking things out of the pantry or refrigerator and putting them on the counter for preparation, stirring things), throwing away trash, putting recyclables into the recycling bin, and putting his books away in his book baskets in his bedroom after story time at night. We'll add more age-appropriate chores as he gets older. We picked one specific chore that would become his "work" in which he could earn commissions. We picked the one that he has the hardest time with: clean up time. Our son is all boy. He loves his toys, and he plays hard. By the end of the day, he's had adventures with them all over the house, and boy, does it ever look that way!
So, here's what we do on a normal day. When we have company over, we haven't figured out how to work it yet since he gets so distracted, there are a lot more toys out and about, and he seems disinterested. But on a normal day when it's just us, this is how it works. He gets one quarter when he completes clean-up time. We clean up twice a day: before nap time in the afternoon and before bedtime at night. So, he has the potential to earn 50 cents in a day. He spends the night with his grandmother once a week and spends the next day with her until dinner time, so he does not get a chance to earn commissions on that night and during the afternoon of the next day. So, in one week it is possible for him to earn a total of $3.00.
How We Do It:
1. He must clean up on his own. He is the one doing the work--not Mommy and Daddy (on a normal day).
2. We direct him. He's a little too young to stay focused and on task by himself, and he sometimes gets overwhelmed by all the things on the floor that he has to clean up. So my husband or I will tell him what to pick up. For example, we'll tell him we see toy trains on the ground and that he needs to find all the toy trains and put them away before we clean up anything else.
3. He needs to stay on task. If he decides he wants to start playing with the things he is picking up, then we remind him that the consequence of that choice will be that he will not earn the quarter. We show him the quarter so that he can see what he's working towards. He knows that if he does not clean up, then Mommy or Daddy get to have that quarter instead of him. He does not like it when we say this. "No, that's my quarter!"
4. As soon as he is done, we praise him, and give him the quarter immediately for him to put away. He feels so proud. Sometimes if he has made a big mess playing, he'll sigh deeply when he's done, like he's saying, "Whew. That was hard work."
Where does his money go?
The first two clean-up times of the week (both on Sunday, assuming that he completes his work), the quarters go in the Giving Envelope. Not only is this roughly about 15% of his earnings for the week, but it is also his very first earnings of the week--his first fruits. This is just a small manila office envelope in which I wrote "Give" on the front as well as a few scriptures.
"Honor God with everything you own. Give him the first and the best."--Proverbs 3:9-10 (from The Message Bible)
"God loves it when the giver delights in the giving."--2 Corinthians 9:7b (from The Message Bible)
I drew a picture of a church on the back, and I wrote a scripture on it as well:
"Bring the finest of the first fruits of your produce to the house of your God."--Exodus 34:26 (from The Message Bible)
On Sunday mornings when we go to church, he takes his little Giving Envelope to his Sunday School class with him, and he puts his two quarters that he has worked hard for in the offering basket. It teaches him nothing about giving and sacrifice if we give him the money for the offering. By putting in his own money that he has worked very hard for, he is learning about faithfulness, sacrifice, integrity, and that giving is important and should be a priority before saving or spending. His giving now has meaning to it. God first.
After his first two times cleaning up in a week, the rest of his commissions get to go into the Savings Jar. We have a piggy bank for him in his room, but Dave Ramsey suggests that you use something clear so that children can see how their earnings are growing. I found an empty clear plastic canister with a plastic lid that was sitting in our laundry room unused. I decorated it with the word "Save" on the front and drew pictures of toys, a scripture, and a picture of a little boy watering a plant that has dollar bills for branches. I modge-podged the drawings onto the container and lid. The scripture is "Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn't first sit down and figure out the cost so you'll know if you can complete it?"--Luke 14:28 (from The Message Bible)
Now this is not a savings jar for a car one day or his clothes or anything like that. We'll start that when he is in his teen years. This is just a savings jar for a special little toy that he sees at the store that he really wants. We'll find out how much it is and work towards saving that amount of money in his jar so that he can use his money to buy it. This is not to say that we won't buy him toys also. This is just a great starting point in teaching him that we have to work hard and plan for things we would like to have. It's more about the teachable moment than anything else at this point.
It is working out so far. We've been doing it for several weeks now. Today we counted his quarters, and he has 36. Most days when we tell him that it is clean-up time, he gets excited and says, "It's time to earn commissions!" He likes seeing how there are more and more quarters adding up in his jar. The first Sunday to take his Giving Envelope to church, he was actually the one that remembered it. He told my husband that he needed to get his commissions to take to the church. I love that he has a joyful and grateful heart when giving.
There have been a few bumps in the road. One evening he thought it would be fun to dump tons and tons of toys in his play tent--every single little car he owns, all the mega blocks, all the Jenga blocks, all the trio blocks, all the Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head parts, every ball in the house, puzzle pieces...I'll just stop there. You get the picture. There were lots of tiny little toys everywhere in one big heap. He did not like cleaning that up one bit. But, I tried to turn that into a teachable moment: the bigger mess you make, the harder it is to clean up, and if you don't clean up as you go, then you'll have to spend a lot of time cleaning up later. Hopefully, he learned his lesson. It was painful and tiring for both him and me. I got so frustrated that I almost just told him to stop, but I didn't. The end result was that he earned his quarter for his Giving Envelope and hopefully (Puh-leeeeeaaaase, God) learned not to make that big of a mess again.
"She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard."--Proverbs 31:16 (NIV)
"She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night."--Proverbs 31:18 (NIV)
"She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy."--Proverbs 31:20 (NIV)
"She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes."--Proverbs 31:24 (NIV)
Learning to manage our family's finances wisely like the woman of noble character in Proverbs 31 is just one aspect that I have been working on lately. As I blogged about in an earlier post called He Says, "Money". She Hears, "Glsnmickloqgtaypvx", I am trying to learn more about managing finances wisely through a course called Financial Peace University.
In Financial Peace University my husband and I have been learning that it is important to teach our son about spending money wisely while staying within a budget, the importance of saving money, and above all else, the value of giving money away. John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, was wise when he said to earn all you can, save all you can, and give all you can. We don't want our son to make the same mistakes we have made. Not only that, but we want him to learn at an early age that money is tied to working, and work ethic is important. We want him to learn how to exercise self-discipline and save. And most importantly, we want to teach him about the sacrifice of giving his first earnings to God and the church with a grateful and happy heart.
Dave Ramsey, the founder of Financial Peace University, suggests that parents pick a few chores that could be considered "work" for their children starting at around age three--work that could have a monetary value assigned to it. He suggests not calling it an "allowance". Rather, he suggests calling it a "commission". Someone who works on commission doesn't get paid if he or she doesn't do the work. If our son doesn't do his work, then he does not earn his money. It's as simple as that. So, we've taken this idea and tweaked it a bit to fit our 2 1/2 year old and our little family.
There are some chores that our son is expected to do simply because he is a member of the family. Such chores include feeding our dog Sadie daily, putting his dirty clothes in his hamper at the end of the day, putting his shoes away in his shoe drawer daily, loading his clothes into the washing machine and transferring his clothes from the washer to the dryer when we do his laundry together, helping prepare his meals (taking things out of the pantry or refrigerator and putting them on the counter for preparation, stirring things), throwing away trash, putting recyclables into the recycling bin, and putting his books away in his book baskets in his bedroom after story time at night. We'll add more age-appropriate chores as he gets older. We picked one specific chore that would become his "work" in which he could earn commissions. We picked the one that he has the hardest time with: clean up time. Our son is all boy. He loves his toys, and he plays hard. By the end of the day, he's had adventures with them all over the house, and boy, does it ever look that way!
So, here's what we do on a normal day. When we have company over, we haven't figured out how to work it yet since he gets so distracted, there are a lot more toys out and about, and he seems disinterested. But on a normal day when it's just us, this is how it works. He gets one quarter when he completes clean-up time. We clean up twice a day: before nap time in the afternoon and before bedtime at night. So, he has the potential to earn 50 cents in a day. He spends the night with his grandmother once a week and spends the next day with her until dinner time, so he does not get a chance to earn commissions on that night and during the afternoon of the next day. So, in one week it is possible for him to earn a total of $3.00.
How We Do It:
1. He must clean up on his own. He is the one doing the work--not Mommy and Daddy (on a normal day).
2. We direct him. He's a little too young to stay focused and on task by himself, and he sometimes gets overwhelmed by all the things on the floor that he has to clean up. So my husband or I will tell him what to pick up. For example, we'll tell him we see toy trains on the ground and that he needs to find all the toy trains and put them away before we clean up anything else.
3. He needs to stay on task. If he decides he wants to start playing with the things he is picking up, then we remind him that the consequence of that choice will be that he will not earn the quarter. We show him the quarter so that he can see what he's working towards. He knows that if he does not clean up, then Mommy or Daddy get to have that quarter instead of him. He does not like it when we say this. "No, that's my quarter!"
4. As soon as he is done, we praise him, and give him the quarter immediately for him to put away. He feels so proud. Sometimes if he has made a big mess playing, he'll sigh deeply when he's done, like he's saying, "Whew. That was hard work."
Where does his money go?
The first two clean-up times of the week (both on Sunday, assuming that he completes his work), the quarters go in the Giving Envelope. Not only is this roughly about 15% of his earnings for the week, but it is also his very first earnings of the week--his first fruits. This is just a small manila office envelope in which I wrote "Give" on the front as well as a few scriptures.
"Honor God with everything you own. Give him the first and the best."--Proverbs 3:9-10 (from The Message Bible)
"God loves it when the giver delights in the giving."--2 Corinthians 9:7b (from The Message Bible)
I drew a picture of a church on the back, and I wrote a scripture on it as well:
"Bring the finest of the first fruits of your produce to the house of your God."--Exodus 34:26 (from The Message Bible)
On Sunday mornings when we go to church, he takes his little Giving Envelope to his Sunday School class with him, and he puts his two quarters that he has worked hard for in the offering basket. It teaches him nothing about giving and sacrifice if we give him the money for the offering. By putting in his own money that he has worked very hard for, he is learning about faithfulness, sacrifice, integrity, and that giving is important and should be a priority before saving or spending. His giving now has meaning to it. God first.
After his first two times cleaning up in a week, the rest of his commissions get to go into the Savings Jar. We have a piggy bank for him in his room, but Dave Ramsey suggests that you use something clear so that children can see how their earnings are growing. I found an empty clear plastic canister with a plastic lid that was sitting in our laundry room unused. I decorated it with the word "Save" on the front and drew pictures of toys, a scripture, and a picture of a little boy watering a plant that has dollar bills for branches. I modge-podged the drawings onto the container and lid. The scripture is "Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn't first sit down and figure out the cost so you'll know if you can complete it?"--Luke 14:28 (from The Message Bible)
Now this is not a savings jar for a car one day or his clothes or anything like that. We'll start that when he is in his teen years. This is just a savings jar for a special little toy that he sees at the store that he really wants. We'll find out how much it is and work towards saving that amount of money in his jar so that he can use his money to buy it. This is not to say that we won't buy him toys also. This is just a great starting point in teaching him that we have to work hard and plan for things we would like to have. It's more about the teachable moment than anything else at this point.
It is working out so far. We've been doing it for several weeks now. Today we counted his quarters, and he has 36. Most days when we tell him that it is clean-up time, he gets excited and says, "It's time to earn commissions!" He likes seeing how there are more and more quarters adding up in his jar. The first Sunday to take his Giving Envelope to church, he was actually the one that remembered it. He told my husband that he needed to get his commissions to take to the church. I love that he has a joyful and grateful heart when giving.
There have been a few bumps in the road. One evening he thought it would be fun to dump tons and tons of toys in his play tent--every single little car he owns, all the mega blocks, all the Jenga blocks, all the trio blocks, all the Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head parts, every ball in the house, puzzle pieces...I'll just stop there. You get the picture. There were lots of tiny little toys everywhere in one big heap. He did not like cleaning that up one bit. But, I tried to turn that into a teachable moment: the bigger mess you make, the harder it is to clean up, and if you don't clean up as you go, then you'll have to spend a lot of time cleaning up later. Hopefully, he learned his lesson. It was painful and tiring for both him and me. I got so frustrated that I almost just told him to stop, but I didn't. The end result was that he earned his quarter for his Giving Envelope and hopefully (Puh-leeeeeaaaase, God) learned not to make that big of a mess again.
March 28, 2011
Operation Regaining My Sanity...Ur, I Mean Operation Toy Organization
Boy, oh, boy if you could have seen my house before I created a toy organization system for my two year old son's toys, you would have looked at me like I was a crazy person. Or you would have gone into sensory overload. For those of you who did see it, I am sorry. I'm glad that you didn't trip, fall, or have an anxiety attack from all the clutter closing in on you. I swear, sometimes I felt like Sid from Toy Story when the toys were coming alive, closing in on him, and talking to him.
A few weekends ago, I just about had it with my son's toys being strewn everywhere around the house. Our dog, Sadie, couldn't even run through the living room. When I saw her slowly navigating her way through the maze of toys, I knew it was bad. It was mad chaos, and my son was acting like it was mad chaos. (Picture the kid from Home Alone aimlessly running through his house with his hands up in the air screaming, "Ahhhhhhhhh!")
Proverbs 31:12 says regarding the wife of noble character's husband, "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Well, I also think this can be applied to the Proverbs 31 Woman's entire family as well, not just her husband. The mad chaos of complete disorganization in our house was definitely not bringing good to our family. Instead of bringing peace to our home, it was bringing a sense of chaos, stress, and anxiety--to everyone, even the dog for goodness sake! I knew that if I was going to tackle this project of organizing the chaos, then I was going to need to do it well, with a grateful heart, and finish. Proverbs 31:17 says about the wife of noble character, "She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." As a stay-at-home mom, maintaining a peaceful home IS my job.
So, I set out to tackle the chaos with vigor and strength! I started an organization project, and I finished it. The result? A much happier little boy who has lots of different places to play in the house, a more creative little boy, a much calmer little boy while he's playing inside, a little boy who plays with a wider variety of toys because he can actually see what he has, a little boy who takes care of his toys better, and a house that doesn't look like a tornado went through it, which naturally leads to a MUCH happier and more sane mommy.
When I taught first grade, I had containers and organization boxes galore due to my obsession with having organized, neat, and functional learning centers for all my kiddos. It was so much easier for them to learn and explore in functional and organized centers, and they seemed to enjoy learning when the learning centers were set up this way. At the end of the 2008-2009 school year, which was my last year before becoming a stay-at-home mom, I packed up all my teaching stuff and just chunked it into the attic. Well, the old saying is true: out of sight, out of mind. I started reading blogs about toy organization ideas, but I became easily frustrated because I didn't have the extra money to spend on organization tools. Then I remembered I had organizational tools from my classroom already just sitting in my attic collecting dust! They are all different colors, and they don't go with my house decor, but who cares. The toys are organized now, clean-up time is going much better, my son plays better inside now, I got my house back, there is less stress in our house, and I have regained my sanity as a mom.
This is just a small glimpse of what my house looked like before Operation Regaining My Sanity began. Oh, I meant to say Operation Toy Organization:
First I organized the toys that I wanted him to be able to get to on his own without permission into piles on the floor according to the following groups:
cars/trucks/air plane (smaller versions)
big cars/trucks/air plane (big enough to put action figures inside)
action figures
musical instruments
grocery store pretend play (cash register, play money, play groceries)
tools and toolbox
stacking train & parts
toy trains
train tracks
big train track items (signal house, bridges, etc.)
stuffed animals
Mr. & Mrs. Potato Heads and parts
magna doodles/leapfrog tablets
play technology (play computer/phone/flash light)
books
books that make noise or music
puzzles
board games (memory cards, matching games, etc.)
tiny random toys (tops, small squishy baseballs, bouncy balls, etc.)
mega blocks and trio-blocks
math manipulatives (dominoes, counters, sorting items, dice)
literacy manipulatives (letter tiles, magnetic letters/cookie sheet)
empty containers and boxes to play with (my son loves to put things in and out of things)
pretend dress-up
balls
race car ramps
Then I organized them into organization boxes/buckets/containers/bins, etc. that I got down from the attic. For most of the bins, I took pictures of the toys that go inside in front of a white poster board. I may print them out and tape them to the bins with clear packing tape. I haven't decided yet. My son already knows where the toys go, but this will help when we have other kids playing at our house, when we have a babysitter, or when any of the grandparents are here helping with clean-up time and my husband and I aren't around. We'll see.
I put some bins on the shelves in our living room. There is a bin for: books that make noise or music, cars, pretend grocery store stuff, action figures, stacking train and parts, and musical instruments overflow (the other instruments are in the big drum in front of the shelves). His tool box is also on these shelves. I put the bigger vehicles on their own shelf above those. He can reach them all by himself. My son calls this shelf "the parking lot".
I put some bins/baskets on the hearth of the fireplace in the living room. There is one for magnadoodles/leapfrog tablet, trains, train tracks, and big train track items. It looks like this:
I put some bins on the shelves in the sun room that is connected to our living room like this. There are bins for math manipulatives, jenga blocks, legos, magnetic letters, and trio blocks. His bag of megs blocks and his cookie sheet for playing with magnetic letters are also on these shelves. I organized other toys in the sun room like this so that he can pull them in and out so that they are not in the walk way:
His play tent is also in the sunroom.
I put some toys in the dining room area as well. Our dining room is not separate from our living room. It's open, but there are definite areas. The teacher in me just couldn't resist making a reading center or reading nook here. My son always has had books in the living room and books in his room. He loves, loves, loves to read (looking at the pictures and calling out the letters and sounds that he identifies, and saying the words by memory--not actually reading yet). He has two book baskets by his dresser in his room that are full. And he has always had the bottom bookshelf in the living room full of books. But, the shelf in the living room was always a mess because it was hard for him to put the books back in the shelf once he got them off. For example, this is what it used to look like when the books were on the shelf and before I put the books in baskets:
Books lined up on
the bottom shelf =
disaster ------------->
Since the book baskets work so well for him in his room, I found two old plastic crates that I used in my classroom to serve as book baskets for the dining room area to make it easier for him. They're not attractive by any means, but they get the job done. I moved the books to the backside of the couch (which is the divider to the living room and dining room area) and put his anywhere chair in between them (that he can pull out by himself and move to other places for other functions such as movie nights if he wants). When he sits in the chair, he faces the big glass storm door to the front door and the windows in the dining room, so he gets lots of natural light. He sits here and just reads and reads. He loves it. This is the reading center:
I made a puzzle center in the entry way near the dining room by the glass storm door. Before organizing, we used to keep the puzzles stacked on the shelves in the living room, but they were not deep enough to hold them. They fell a lot, and the pieces were always in different places because of this. The result was that he just never played with his puzzles. What a waste!
Unused
puzzles
stacked ------>
on shelf
When giving Operation Toy Organization a go, I first had the puzzles on their sides in a long wicker basket. This did not work for us because every time my son tried to get a puzzle out of the basket, the pieces would tumble out. Then he would have to take out every single puzzle to get to the pieces in the bottom of the basket, which meant even more pieces were tumbling out. I decided he needed to be able to slide the puzzles in and out easily so that the pieces would stay in tact while getting to the puzzle that he wanted. This has worked beautifully. It has also made clean up time much easier since tiny puzzle pieces aren't all over the floor or loose in a basket. Next to the puzzle center is a small drawer unit that holds small balls, spinning tops, garanimal chain links, and the pieces to a plastic puzzle. Here's the puzzle center and small drawer unit for tiny things:
In February I visited my old college roommate, Sara, for the weekend. I got the idea of an activity table from her. She's also an elementary school teacher turned stay-at-home mom, so I'm always looking to her to see how she's organizing her home. She told me that she got hers at IKEA, and I was able to find one with her at IKEA just like it for only $7.99! It's actually called a side table, but it works great as a kid's activity table. It's the perfect size and height. I have a couple of folding camp chairs that are kid-sized from my reading center in my old classroom, and I keep one at the activity table. When we have friends over to play, we pull out the second chair and put it at the table.
My son builds Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head here, works puzzles, reads books, colors, plays with play-dough, plays with his magna doodles, lines up his cars, stacks dominoes, sorts items, and much more at this activity table. Basically, however he can think of to use it, he does. I put some stacking bins from my old classroom next to it to hold his Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head parts and his play technology toys.
Operation Toy Organization complete! AND it only cost me $7.99!
A few weekends ago, I just about had it with my son's toys being strewn everywhere around the house. Our dog, Sadie, couldn't even run through the living room. When I saw her slowly navigating her way through the maze of toys, I knew it was bad. It was mad chaos, and my son was acting like it was mad chaos. (Picture the kid from Home Alone aimlessly running through his house with his hands up in the air screaming, "Ahhhhhhhhh!")
Proverbs 31:12 says regarding the wife of noble character's husband, "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Well, I also think this can be applied to the Proverbs 31 Woman's entire family as well, not just her husband. The mad chaos of complete disorganization in our house was definitely not bringing good to our family. Instead of bringing peace to our home, it was bringing a sense of chaos, stress, and anxiety--to everyone, even the dog for goodness sake! I knew that if I was going to tackle this project of organizing the chaos, then I was going to need to do it well, with a grateful heart, and finish. Proverbs 31:17 says about the wife of noble character, "She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." As a stay-at-home mom, maintaining a peaceful home IS my job.
So, I set out to tackle the chaos with vigor and strength! I started an organization project, and I finished it. The result? A much happier little boy who has lots of different places to play in the house, a more creative little boy, a much calmer little boy while he's playing inside, a little boy who plays with a wider variety of toys because he can actually see what he has, a little boy who takes care of his toys better, and a house that doesn't look like a tornado went through it, which naturally leads to a MUCH happier and more sane mommy.
When I taught first grade, I had containers and organization boxes galore due to my obsession with having organized, neat, and functional learning centers for all my kiddos. It was so much easier for them to learn and explore in functional and organized centers, and they seemed to enjoy learning when the learning centers were set up this way. At the end of the 2008-2009 school year, which was my last year before becoming a stay-at-home mom, I packed up all my teaching stuff and just chunked it into the attic. Well, the old saying is true: out of sight, out of mind. I started reading blogs about toy organization ideas, but I became easily frustrated because I didn't have the extra money to spend on organization tools. Then I remembered I had organizational tools from my classroom already just sitting in my attic collecting dust! They are all different colors, and they don't go with my house decor, but who cares. The toys are organized now, clean-up time is going much better, my son plays better inside now, I got my house back, there is less stress in our house, and I have regained my sanity as a mom.
This is just a small glimpse of what my house looked like before Operation Regaining My Sanity began. Oh, I meant to say Operation Toy Organization:
First I organized the toys that I wanted him to be able to get to on his own without permission into piles on the floor according to the following groups:
cars/trucks/air plane (smaller versions)
big cars/trucks/air plane (big enough to put action figures inside)
action figures
musical instruments
grocery store pretend play (cash register, play money, play groceries)
tools and toolbox
stacking train & parts
toy trains
train tracks
big train track items (signal house, bridges, etc.)
stuffed animals
Mr. & Mrs. Potato Heads and parts
magna doodles/leapfrog tablets
play technology (play computer/phone/flash light)
books
books that make noise or music
puzzles
board games (memory cards, matching games, etc.)
tiny random toys (tops, small squishy baseballs, bouncy balls, etc.)
mega blocks and trio-blocks
math manipulatives (dominoes, counters, sorting items, dice)
literacy manipulatives (letter tiles, magnetic letters/cookie sheet)
empty containers and boxes to play with (my son loves to put things in and out of things)
pretend dress-up
balls
race car ramps
Then I organized them into organization boxes/buckets/containers/bins, etc. that I got down from the attic. For most of the bins, I took pictures of the toys that go inside in front of a white poster board. I may print them out and tape them to the bins with clear packing tape. I haven't decided yet. My son already knows where the toys go, but this will help when we have other kids playing at our house, when we have a babysitter, or when any of the grandparents are here helping with clean-up time and my husband and I aren't around. We'll see.
I put some bins on the shelves in our living room. There is a bin for: books that make noise or music, cars, pretend grocery store stuff, action figures, stacking train and parts, and musical instruments overflow (the other instruments are in the big drum in front of the shelves). His tool box is also on these shelves. I put the bigger vehicles on their own shelf above those. He can reach them all by himself. My son calls this shelf "the parking lot".
His play tent is also in the sunroom.
I put some toys in the dining room area as well. Our dining room is not separate from our living room. It's open, but there are definite areas. The teacher in me just couldn't resist making a reading center or reading nook here. My son always has had books in the living room and books in his room. He loves, loves, loves to read (looking at the pictures and calling out the letters and sounds that he identifies, and saying the words by memory--not actually reading yet). He has two book baskets by his dresser in his room that are full. And he has always had the bottom bookshelf in the living room full of books. But, the shelf in the living room was always a mess because it was hard for him to put the books back in the shelf once he got them off. For example, this is what it used to look like when the books were on the shelf and before I put the books in baskets:
Books lined up on
the bottom shelf =
disaster ------------->
Since the book baskets work so well for him in his room, I found two old plastic crates that I used in my classroom to serve as book baskets for the dining room area to make it easier for him. They're not attractive by any means, but they get the job done. I moved the books to the backside of the couch (which is the divider to the living room and dining room area) and put his anywhere chair in between them (that he can pull out by himself and move to other places for other functions such as movie nights if he wants). When he sits in the chair, he faces the big glass storm door to the front door and the windows in the dining room, so he gets lots of natural light. He sits here and just reads and reads. He loves it. This is the reading center:
I made a puzzle center in the entry way near the dining room by the glass storm door. Before organizing, we used to keep the puzzles stacked on the shelves in the living room, but they were not deep enough to hold them. They fell a lot, and the pieces were always in different places because of this. The result was that he just never played with his puzzles. What a waste!
|
Unused
puzzles
stacked ------>
on shelf
When giving Operation Toy Organization a go, I first had the puzzles on their sides in a long wicker basket. This did not work for us because every time my son tried to get a puzzle out of the basket, the pieces would tumble out. Then he would have to take out every single puzzle to get to the pieces in the bottom of the basket, which meant even more pieces were tumbling out. I decided he needed to be able to slide the puzzles in and out easily so that the pieces would stay in tact while getting to the puzzle that he wanted. This has worked beautifully. It has also made clean up time much easier since tiny puzzle pieces aren't all over the floor or loose in a basket. Next to the puzzle center is a small drawer unit that holds small balls, spinning tops, garanimal chain links, and the pieces to a plastic puzzle. Here's the puzzle center and small drawer unit for tiny things:
In February I visited my old college roommate, Sara, for the weekend. I got the idea of an activity table from her. She's also an elementary school teacher turned stay-at-home mom, so I'm always looking to her to see how she's organizing her home. She told me that she got hers at IKEA, and I was able to find one with her at IKEA just like it for only $7.99! It's actually called a side table, but it works great as a kid's activity table. It's the perfect size and height. I have a couple of folding camp chairs that are kid-sized from my reading center in my old classroom, and I keep one at the activity table. When we have friends over to play, we pull out the second chair and put it at the table.
Operation Toy Organization complete! AND it only cost me $7.99!
January 18, 2011
Why Set Goals for Myself?
I am hopeful, excited, and to be quite honest with you, nervous, to begin traveling down this path towards becoming more like the noble woman in Proverbs 31. For a long time, this nervousness has been holding me back. In the beginning I didn't recognize what it was that was keeping me in fear. Finally I realized that it was nervousness (of failing, of not being able to do it on my own, of looking foolish, of disappointing others, myself, and God, the list really can go on forever...). Yet at first, and extending into a very long time after that, I fully didn't understand why I was even nervous in the first place. Recently, however, God has been giving me insights into my past and into my soul, and I'm now more aware of why this paralyzing nervousness exists.
Deciding how and in what areas of my life I needed to grow used to come easily to me. In high school, both in academics and in athletics, I excelled in setting goals, following through with them, evaluating and re-evaluating myself, and setting new goals again. I pushed myself, and I always aimed to better myself. I never tried to be the best. I just tried to do and to be my best. My very wise and beautiful mother instilled that into me at a very young age, and she always stressed that she would be proud of me no matter what. So, growing up in my small southeast Texas town, my motto was: Be the best student that I can be. Be the best volleyball and softball player that I can be. Be the best friend that I can be. Be the best leader that I can be, and so on, and so on. This was what I did. It was who I was, and I'm ashamed to say that I had a hard time identifying with people who struggled with motivation. (Yuck, how arrogant!) Looking back I now understand why it was so easy for me to stay motivated. How could one surrounded by such an amazing and altruistic support system not be motivated? This was one of those "ah ha" moments in my life. My motivation did not come from myself at all. Rather, it came from very specific people who God purposefully placed in my life as a teenager: amazing teachers who believed I was capable of doing great things one day (God bless Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. McBride, and Mr. Perryman), tough, no-nonsense coaches who pushed me to my limits, loving parents who always encouraged me, loyal friends who supported me, and a selfless pastor who invested his precious and valuable time to teach and nurture me in the faith.
Unfortunately, during my college years, in which I was away from my support system and comfort zone, I seemed to lose sight of how to set and achieve goals effectively. Don't get me wrong; I didn't go crazy or anything like that. In fact, it was quite the opposite. It was in college that my heart burned even more for Christ. I became extremely active at The Wesley Foundation Methodist Student Center at Texas A&M University. I couldn't get enough of the worships, the deep bible studies, the small groups, the accountability, the crazy fun, the memorable trips, and the awesome friends. I practically lived there. I met my husband and some of my best friends there. My parents even joked, and still do for that matter, that I majored in Wesley instead of in psychology. Sure, my spiritual life was blooming. I longed for authentic worship, I felt a part of a faith community, and I devoured the scriptures. For the most part, I tried to let my spiritual growth affect my thoughts, my behavior, my attitude, and the words that came out of my mouth. But I made a critical mistake: I was not open to letting the spiritual growth permeate into other areas of my life, such as my seemingly ordinary and boring academic life. Let me be clear. When the Holy Spirit approached the flat, non-scenic, academic road of my life, I presented it with a hideous, bulky roadblock accompanied by a big, ugly, orange sign that read, "Detour". During that time, instead of letting go so that my spiritual life could affect other areas of my life in positive and godly ways, it's as if I used my spiritual growth to replace the need to set and follow through with goals in other areas of my life. I became unbalanced. The result? A very average, ho-hum college education. I could have gotten so much more out of that experience. I could have learned so much more. To me my spiritual life and my academic life were two very separate things entirely. Not only that, but I even thought, "Why should they have anything to do with the other?" Behold, the idiot.
When you grow spiritually, it should not only be evident in your worship and in how you practice what Richard Foster in his book Celebration of Discipline calls your spiritual disciplines (prayer, meditation, studying scripture, fasting, etc.) , but it should be evident in every aspect of your life--no matter how mundane, worldly, and seemingly unimportant you think it might be. I just didn't get that. When graduate school finally rolled around, and also with my teaching career, it seemed easy to set and achieve goals again. In graduate school, I knew that my future depended on it. With so many cooperative study groups and projects, I also knew that other students were depending on me and the work that I put into it. With teaching, I knew that I was standing on holy ground. Being a part of children's lives in a positive way, impacting their hopes and dreams, loving them enough to set boundaries for them and discipline them, and spurring them on to do great things and to believe in themselves--that was sacred. And I knew it. I knew the stakes were high, and I knew what it would take of me to be the best graduate student and elementary school teacher that I could possibly be. So I put in the time to make sure that I excelled. I finally got it. My professional goals and how I achieved them were closely intertwined with my journey of faith. God was calling me to be in seminary, and God was calling me into the first grade classroom. Therefore, the goals, how ever practical they may have been, held deep, significant, and spiritual meaning.
Now, I've come to a new chapter in my life--a chapter that began when my son was eleven months old. I am now a stay-at-home mom. More than anything in my life, I felt this calling the deepest. Since becoming a stay-at-home mom, I have realized that I have been growing more spiritually again, which excites me. When I first began to stay at home full time, I knew that calling involved spending more quality time with my son and husband, making them more of a priority, focusing on our family time together, nurturing my son spiritually, playing with him, having silly fun together, and teaching him social skills, his letters and numbers, and all sorts of other things --all the easy and fun things about being a stay-at-home mom. That part of the calling was a no brainer. Here's the sad part. I never realized until recently that if being a stay-at-home mom is truly a calling from God for me, then I should embrace ALL aspects of being a stay-at-home mom as a calling--even the mundane, worldly, seemingly unimportant tasks that go along with being a stay-at-home mom that are not that fun at all. Even those things are part of this calling. Who am I to pick and choose what part of my calling to follow? When I first realized this, my prayers and struggles with God looked a little something like this, "Grocery shopping and cooking? Really? That has something to do with spiritual things? All sitting down at the table to eat together as a family? And, God, did you say eat without the t.v. on? Maybe I'm hearing you wrong. Surely, you don't care how hard I work to get my child to eat vegetables willingly? Seriously, God? This is intertwined into my relationship with you? Getting our family on a budget, spending money wisely, and getting out of debt? That is a part of my spiritual walk with you, Lord? And come on. Laundry? Give me a break. You've got to be kidding." Once I finished throwing my temper tantrum, I accepted that the reality of the situation is that being a stay-at-home mom is my full-time job, my calling, and it's time to embrace all of it--not just the parts that I pick and choose. My behavior would be like the Israelites choosing to skip the forty years of wandering in the desert. No thank you, God. Just please fast forward me straight to the promised land, the good stuff. Thanks. Now, saying that I need to view the every day, ordinary tasks of running a home as part of this calling is not to say that my husband doesn't cook, clean, spend time with our son, change diapers, do laundry, etc. In our marriage we are equal partners. But, lately, I have not been carrying my load when it comes to these ordinary tasks. And when I do, I am not doing it out of a joyful heart and with a heart of a servant carrying out her divine calling.
So, what are my goals for 2011? How do I plan on beginning on the path towards becoming like the godly wife and mother that Proverbs 31 speaks so highly of?
The Proverbs 31 Project runs much deeper than surface goals for me. This, above all, will be a spiritual journey. Yes, I have goals that are very practical concerning my development in my role as a mother and a wife. Yes, I have goals concerning my household and my family's well-being as a whole. And yes, I have goals concerning the educational, social, and physical development of my two year old son. But all of these goals and the accomplishment of these goals spawn from a deeper yearning: to personally grow spiritually as I carry out my calling to be a stay-at-home mom and to help my son, in turn, grow spiritually. These are not things that I can "accomplish" or that I can do on my own. God is the One who is the ultimate transformer. It will not be me doing the work, but God doing the work through me. So here I am, Lord, waiting to be transformed.
Deciding how and in what areas of my life I needed to grow used to come easily to me. In high school, both in academics and in athletics, I excelled in setting goals, following through with them, evaluating and re-evaluating myself, and setting new goals again. I pushed myself, and I always aimed to better myself. I never tried to be the best. I just tried to do and to be my best. My very wise and beautiful mother instilled that into me at a very young age, and she always stressed that she would be proud of me no matter what. So, growing up in my small southeast Texas town, my motto was: Be the best student that I can be. Be the best volleyball and softball player that I can be. Be the best friend that I can be. Be the best leader that I can be, and so on, and so on. This was what I did. It was who I was, and I'm ashamed to say that I had a hard time identifying with people who struggled with motivation. (Yuck, how arrogant!) Looking back I now understand why it was so easy for me to stay motivated. How could one surrounded by such an amazing and altruistic support system not be motivated? This was one of those "ah ha" moments in my life. My motivation did not come from myself at all. Rather, it came from very specific people who God purposefully placed in my life as a teenager: amazing teachers who believed I was capable of doing great things one day (God bless Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. McBride, and Mr. Perryman), tough, no-nonsense coaches who pushed me to my limits, loving parents who always encouraged me, loyal friends who supported me, and a selfless pastor who invested his precious and valuable time to teach and nurture me in the faith.
Unfortunately, during my college years, in which I was away from my support system and comfort zone, I seemed to lose sight of how to set and achieve goals effectively. Don't get me wrong; I didn't go crazy or anything like that. In fact, it was quite the opposite. It was in college that my heart burned even more for Christ. I became extremely active at The Wesley Foundation Methodist Student Center at Texas A&M University. I couldn't get enough of the worships, the deep bible studies, the small groups, the accountability, the crazy fun, the memorable trips, and the awesome friends. I practically lived there. I met my husband and some of my best friends there. My parents even joked, and still do for that matter, that I majored in Wesley instead of in psychology. Sure, my spiritual life was blooming. I longed for authentic worship, I felt a part of a faith community, and I devoured the scriptures. For the most part, I tried to let my spiritual growth affect my thoughts, my behavior, my attitude, and the words that came out of my mouth. But I made a critical mistake: I was not open to letting the spiritual growth permeate into other areas of my life, such as my seemingly ordinary and boring academic life. Let me be clear. When the Holy Spirit approached the flat, non-scenic, academic road of my life, I presented it with a hideous, bulky roadblock accompanied by a big, ugly, orange sign that read, "Detour". During that time, instead of letting go so that my spiritual life could affect other areas of my life in positive and godly ways, it's as if I used my spiritual growth to replace the need to set and follow through with goals in other areas of my life. I became unbalanced. The result? A very average, ho-hum college education. I could have gotten so much more out of that experience. I could have learned so much more. To me my spiritual life and my academic life were two very separate things entirely. Not only that, but I even thought, "Why should they have anything to do with the other?" Behold, the idiot.
When you grow spiritually, it should not only be evident in your worship and in how you practice what Richard Foster in his book Celebration of Discipline calls your spiritual disciplines (prayer, meditation, studying scripture, fasting, etc.) , but it should be evident in every aspect of your life--no matter how mundane, worldly, and seemingly unimportant you think it might be. I just didn't get that. When graduate school finally rolled around, and also with my teaching career, it seemed easy to set and achieve goals again. In graduate school, I knew that my future depended on it. With so many cooperative study groups and projects, I also knew that other students were depending on me and the work that I put into it. With teaching, I knew that I was standing on holy ground. Being a part of children's lives in a positive way, impacting their hopes and dreams, loving them enough to set boundaries for them and discipline them, and spurring them on to do great things and to believe in themselves--that was sacred. And I knew it. I knew the stakes were high, and I knew what it would take of me to be the best graduate student and elementary school teacher that I could possibly be. So I put in the time to make sure that I excelled. I finally got it. My professional goals and how I achieved them were closely intertwined with my journey of faith. God was calling me to be in seminary, and God was calling me into the first grade classroom. Therefore, the goals, how ever practical they may have been, held deep, significant, and spiritual meaning.
Now, I've come to a new chapter in my life--a chapter that began when my son was eleven months old. I am now a stay-at-home mom. More than anything in my life, I felt this calling the deepest. Since becoming a stay-at-home mom, I have realized that I have been growing more spiritually again, which excites me. When I first began to stay at home full time, I knew that calling involved spending more quality time with my son and husband, making them more of a priority, focusing on our family time together, nurturing my son spiritually, playing with him, having silly fun together, and teaching him social skills, his letters and numbers, and all sorts of other things --all the easy and fun things about being a stay-at-home mom. That part of the calling was a no brainer. Here's the sad part. I never realized until recently that if being a stay-at-home mom is truly a calling from God for me, then I should embrace ALL aspects of being a stay-at-home mom as a calling--even the mundane, worldly, seemingly unimportant tasks that go along with being a stay-at-home mom that are not that fun at all. Even those things are part of this calling. Who am I to pick and choose what part of my calling to follow? When I first realized this, my prayers and struggles with God looked a little something like this, "Grocery shopping and cooking? Really? That has something to do with spiritual things? All sitting down at the table to eat together as a family? And, God, did you say eat without the t.v. on? Maybe I'm hearing you wrong. Surely, you don't care how hard I work to get my child to eat vegetables willingly? Seriously, God? This is intertwined into my relationship with you? Getting our family on a budget, spending money wisely, and getting out of debt? That is a part of my spiritual walk with you, Lord? And come on. Laundry? Give me a break. You've got to be kidding." Once I finished throwing my temper tantrum, I accepted that the reality of the situation is that being a stay-at-home mom is my full-time job, my calling, and it's time to embrace all of it--not just the parts that I pick and choose. My behavior would be like the Israelites choosing to skip the forty years of wandering in the desert. No thank you, God. Just please fast forward me straight to the promised land, the good stuff. Thanks. Now, saying that I need to view the every day, ordinary tasks of running a home as part of this calling is not to say that my husband doesn't cook, clean, spend time with our son, change diapers, do laundry, etc. In our marriage we are equal partners. But, lately, I have not been carrying my load when it comes to these ordinary tasks. And when I do, I am not doing it out of a joyful heart and with a heart of a servant carrying out her divine calling.
So, what are my goals for 2011? How do I plan on beginning on the path towards becoming like the godly wife and mother that Proverbs 31 speaks so highly of?
- Plan meals for one entire week at a time and grocery shop once a week for these meals.
- Cook at least 4-5 meals at home for my family per week.
- Get my son to try everything that I cook for a meal at least once, and get him to fully eat at least one thing that I cook each meal (It can be a main dish or a side, and it is acceptable to supplement with other food he likes.)
- Get my son to eat a variety and all of his vegetables at meal times.
- Have my son, my husband, and I all eating dinner at the same time, sitting down all together as a family at the table with the t.v off and no cell phones. (Music is okay.)
- Sit down at the table with my son when he is eating breakfast and lunch, even if I am not eating. I won't simply be in the kitchen doing other stuff while he is eating.
- Load and run the dishwasher at night before bed.
- Designate one day a week to doing multiple loads of laundry.
- Try the local early childhood PTA. (This will be an outlet for me to socialize and learn from other stay-at-home moms and guest speakers as well as an opportunity for my son to have structured play time and activities with other children.)
- Be more committed to attending the weekly women's bible study at my church on Wednesdays. (Make it to at least 24 sessions this year. The bible study does not meet during the summer.)
- Try the MOM'S group at church that meets bi-monthly. (This will be another great outlet for me to fellowship with other moms, but in a Christian setting where we can learn from one another, encourage one another, grow spiritually with one another, and keep one another accountable.)
- Take part in at least one other various bible study at my church throughout the year (Crossing Point mini bible studies every three months, lent bible studies, advent bible studies, etc.)
- Teach my son his letter sounds and numbers in a more organized way.
- Join the weekly Christ-focused preschool group that my friends started.
- Nurture my son spiritually and creatively (through having him attend Sunday School and church, through taking part in the weekly Christ-focused preschool group together, and through nightly prayer time).
- Schedule at least one play date a week outside other weekly activities in which being with other children is a given.
- Set a reasonable family budget, stick to it, and use Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace concepts to learn how to spend money wisely so that we can begin to get our family out of some debt.
The Proverbs 31 Project runs much deeper than surface goals for me. This, above all, will be a spiritual journey. Yes, I have goals that are very practical concerning my development in my role as a mother and a wife. Yes, I have goals concerning my household and my family's well-being as a whole. And yes, I have goals concerning the educational, social, and physical development of my two year old son. But all of these goals and the accomplishment of these goals spawn from a deeper yearning: to personally grow spiritually as I carry out my calling to be a stay-at-home mom and to help my son, in turn, grow spiritually. These are not things that I can "accomplish" or that I can do on my own. God is the One who is the ultimate transformer. It will not be me doing the work, but God doing the work through me. So here I am, Lord, waiting to be transformed.
January 13, 2011
The Purpose for this Blog--Becoming The Proverbs 31 Woman
I want to be something that I'm not. I want to be the woman of all women, the one so many of us women of faith strive earnestly to be. Who is this mystery woman, you ask? Who else? It's the ever allusive Proverbs 31 Woman. Some of you might be thinking, "Okay, but who in the world is that?" Then again, some of you might know who I'm talking about and may be able to say that you already are living the life of the Proverbs 31 Woman, or you're at least on the way to becoming this woman. Well, congratulations. I want what you have! I, on the other hand, am not there yet. Not even close...that is yet. After ten wonderful years of marriage to the most loving, supportive, giving, intelligent (and not to mention handsome) man there is, and after two and a half years of being a mom to the most adorable, amazing, joyful, funny, and energetic little boy ever, my mission for 2011 is this (drum roll, please): stop beating myself up over not being like the Proverbs 31 Woman and do something about it. I'm beginning on the journey, folks. Not only do I deserve to be this kind of woman for myself, but my husband deserves to be married to this kind of wife, and most importantly, my son deserves to have this kind of mother.
Some may say that it's a lofty goal, that it's impossible to become this noble woman who King Solomon speaks so highly of in his little book of wise sayings in the Old Testament of the Bible. After all, she does have it all together. Maybe that's what has kept me from trying in the past. The outcome just seemed too far out of reach, too ethereal and mystical, like something you see and want in a dream but never seem close enough to touch. But recently, I've been praying and thinking, thinking and praying, reading scripture, thinking, and praying some more. Maybe as godly women who want to influence our families in extraordinary ways and be amazing wives, mothers, friends, daughters, workers, members of society, etc., we don't have to be perfect in all of these roles. And to go even further, maybe God doesn't expect us to be perfect in all of these roles. Here's a thought. Maybe, just maybe, we are called to just have the heart of the Proverbs 31 Woman, and God will use our hearts to lead us towards gradual transformation into the ultimate wife, mother, friend, etc. The Proverbs 31 Woman is the role model. She's the example that all Christian women look to. Maybe God can take the very small things that we do in our simple, every day, ordinary lives and turn them into something absolutely extraordinary.
So this year is going to be the year that I finally get my act together and start at least trying to live like this amazingly strong woman. Year after year I have a yearning to whip my life into shape, but I never seem to be able to follow through. My goals are usually wishy-washy, vague, immeasurable, not rooted in my faith in Christ, or too overwhelming; that is, if I even name my goals at all. This is the year that all that changes. I have a clear focus, and I have created a list of goals that are actually very practical in helping me on this long road of becoming more like the Proverbs 31 Woman. I'm actually quite proud of myself for being able to do this, thank you very much. During this process in which I am about to embark, I'm sure that I will have moments of success, and I'm most certain that I will fall flat on my face more than once. I'm sure that there will be times of joy, frustration, tears, pride, accomplishment, discouragement, laughter, apathy, and such, but I am committed to doing this for my family and for me. I believe with all my heart that THIS is what God is calling me to do this year. This blog will hopefully give me the accountability that I need in setting out on this long journey. I'm not so arrogant to think that I will be like the Proverbs 31 mom and wife by the time 2012 rolls around. I know that this journey to get to where both God and I really want me to be will probably take me a lifetime, but it's a beginning...
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
"Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
(From Proverbs 31:10-31 in the Bible)
Some may say that it's a lofty goal, that it's impossible to become this noble woman who King Solomon speaks so highly of in his little book of wise sayings in the Old Testament of the Bible. After all, she does have it all together. Maybe that's what has kept me from trying in the past. The outcome just seemed too far out of reach, too ethereal and mystical, like something you see and want in a dream but never seem close enough to touch. But recently, I've been praying and thinking, thinking and praying, reading scripture, thinking, and praying some more. Maybe as godly women who want to influence our families in extraordinary ways and be amazing wives, mothers, friends, daughters, workers, members of society, etc., we don't have to be perfect in all of these roles. And to go even further, maybe God doesn't expect us to be perfect in all of these roles. Here's a thought. Maybe, just maybe, we are called to just have the heart of the Proverbs 31 Woman, and God will use our hearts to lead us towards gradual transformation into the ultimate wife, mother, friend, etc. The Proverbs 31 Woman is the role model. She's the example that all Christian women look to. Maybe God can take the very small things that we do in our simple, every day, ordinary lives and turn them into something absolutely extraordinary.
So this year is going to be the year that I finally get my act together and start at least trying to live like this amazingly strong woman. Year after year I have a yearning to whip my life into shape, but I never seem to be able to follow through. My goals are usually wishy-washy, vague, immeasurable, not rooted in my faith in Christ, or too overwhelming; that is, if I even name my goals at all. This is the year that all that changes. I have a clear focus, and I have created a list of goals that are actually very practical in helping me on this long road of becoming more like the Proverbs 31 Woman. I'm actually quite proud of myself for being able to do this, thank you very much. During this process in which I am about to embark, I'm sure that I will have moments of success, and I'm most certain that I will fall flat on my face more than once. I'm sure that there will be times of joy, frustration, tears, pride, accomplishment, discouragement, laughter, apathy, and such, but I am committed to doing this for my family and for me. I believe with all my heart that THIS is what God is calling me to do this year. This blog will hopefully give me the accountability that I need in setting out on this long journey. I'm not so arrogant to think that I will be like the Proverbs 31 mom and wife by the time 2012 rolls around. I know that this journey to get to where both God and I really want me to be will probably take me a lifetime, but it's a beginning...
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flaxand works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
"Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
(From Proverbs 31:10-31 in the Bible)
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